Here are your Puck Headlines: a glorious collection of news and views collected from the greatest blogosphere in sports and the few, the proud, the mainstream hockey media.
• Apparently Ilya Kovalchuk is preparing for the New Jersey Devils' season by participating in some kind of "Rocky IV"-esque training montage in the backwoods of Russia. (Sadly, no pushing the plow through the snow.) Either that or he's gone insane and thinks he free weights are the wheel of an invisible car. One of the two. [Hot Ice, via Dmitry]
• The police investigation into Zdeno Chara's hit on Max Pacioretty is now in the hands of prosecutors. [CJAD]
• Team USA's Cristoval Nieves scored a hell of a goal this week in the Ivan Hlinka tournament. [Buzzing The Net]
• Jeff Marek on R&D rules change ideas, like extending the shootout: "I'm all for expanding it to five shooters before heading to single-goal elimination. It works for both camps too. If you don't think three shooters is a fair way to settle shootouts, since it's near impossible to have a comeback when you are down two, then this addresses that issue. If you like the shootout then it's more of what you like." [The Sheet]
• Razor with his favorite R&D camp rules ideas. [Razor]
• Washington Capitals Coach Bruce Boudreau on Alex Ovechkin: "We're not all 22-year-old guys anymore. He's the captain. I think he's a great captain on the ice because no one works as hard as him, and no one wants to win more than him." [Capitals Insider]
• Meanwhile, the Capitals are apparently using something called a "chi-mat" for relaxation and rehabilitation. Mike Green says it "feels like pins and needles." [Alex Ovetjkin]
• Interesting piece about the Dallas Stars' search for a new owner, and whether the same bidders are also taking a gander at the for-sale St. Louis Blues. [Defending Big D]
• The COO of the Phoenix Coyotes claims there are two ownership groups communicating with the team and the NHL about purchasing the franchise. Which is all well and good until one considers the fact that the Goldwater Institute still has the city by the balls unless these mystery shoppers want to front the whole operation. [AZ Central]
• Looking back at a trade that almost happened: Scott Gomez for … Pavel Datsyuk(!). [Nightmare on Helm Street]
• Viktor Tikhonov and the Coyotes agree to a new deal. [Coyotes]
• The top NHL tweeters, and no love for Fake Dan Ellis. [THN]
• The latest on Drew Doughty, Zach Bogosian and Luke Schenn, a.k.a. the Unsigned. [HOTH]
• Pro Hockey Talk is doing a series on best and worst jerseys, and decided to spare the Fishsticks. [PHT]
• Sidney Crosby's French-language commercial for Sports Experts. We prefer it to the English-language one because it's in French and French chicks rule. (More from 87SidneyCrosby.com)
• Jason Spezza on the 2011-12 Ottawa Senators: "I have an enthusiasm now that's pretty high compared to past years." OK, now he's trying to make us giggle. [Sens]
• Matt Carkner was given a shot to fire back at Alex Kovalev, and took the high road: "It's Kovy. It's kind of him just letting out a little steam. That's in the past. We've moved on from there. It's not a big issue for us." [Ottawa Sun]
• Strong words about the Senators' anniversary "heritage" tie-ins: "As a Senators fan and long-time Ottawa resident, I think this is all a little bit embarrassing." [Silver Seven]
• Interesting piece on Chris Pronger's Philadelphia Flyers roots. [Y! CN]
• The odd tale about how a WHL team will be assisting Chad Ochocinco in his house hunting. [Buzzing The Net]
• The NY Daily News found a bunch of Brooklynites that said they would love for the New York Islanders to move there in 2015 (so they can brag they thought the Islanders moving there was cool "like, four years ago"). [NYDN]
• Here is a petition to move the Islanders to Queens. But where in New York can one find a woman with grace, elegance, taste and culture? A woman suitable for a king? [Petitions.net, via reader Thomas Morgan]
• Are the Islanders poised for a breakout season? [KK]
• Good piece on Cam Barker, who is ready to reverse his fortunes with the Edmonton Oilers. [Winnipeg Sun]
• Fare thee well, Rob Schremp, and thanks for the YouTube clips. [Newsday]
• From The Dept. of Self-Congratulatory Nonsense: Yahoo! Sports Blogs — just the blogs — had more unique visitors in June than the entirety of ESPN.com. [Outkick the Coverage]
• Finally, you had us at "stripping in a hockey uniform," ma'am.