Here are your Puck Headlines: a glorious collection of news and views collected from the greatest blogosphere in sports and the few, the proud, the mainstream hockey media.

• Your Great Aunt took in the Kings and Stars game in LA last night.

• Interesting bit from Scott Burnside of ESPN today: To have the 2013 Winter Classic as a dual-site event, with the big game at Michigan Stadium and other events (Great Lakes Invitational, alumni game) at Comerica Park in Detroit. And here are your bags of money, Mr. Illitch … [ESPN]

• The Classic in Detroit is not without its cynical reactions. [WCHB]

• Steve Staios flattened Max Talbot with a hit yesterday. Why didn't the Flyers respond to that? [Broad Street Hockey]

• The Boston Bruins didn't push for any supplemental discipline on PK Subban for his head-shot on David Krejci; the NHL will not give him any, apparently. [Bruins Blog]

• Brenden Morrow nearly ended Anze Kopitar with a hit last night, too. But he was "walking and talking" fine today, saying: "Feeling good. Nothing special to say, really. It was just precautionary reasons last night. I'm sure you guys know, even better than I do, what it takes after you get hit like that, what you've got to do (with) the quiet room and stuff. But I'm feeling good this morning, and that's about it." [LA Kings Insider]

• Montreal Canadiens forward Mathieu Darche on Rene Bourque: "Management didn't just go out and get him because he's big." Might wanna listen to your GM's press conference, sir. [Canadiens]

• Speaking of which: Fire Gauthier! [Cotsonika]

• It's Friday the 13th. Here's a cool post on hockey superstitions. Don't Step On The Logo, You Bastards! [Mile High Hockey]

• Sniffing out a James van Riemsdyk for Luke Schenn trade. [Frequent Flyers]

• There's a high-school hazing controversy in Michigan, as it seems the time-honored tradition of watching players "dressed in women's underwear, including bras, panties and girdles while walking around a bar across the street from their Marquette hotel" is now frowned upon. [Livingston Daily, s/t Jason Whitten]

• BREAKING: The Tampa Bay Lightning have goaltending issues. [Lightning]

• Terry Pegula says the Buffalo Sabres struggles are due to injuries: "I have to believe we're a better hockey team than we were last year. We just didn't have this massive, catastrophic injury problem. Put yourself in anybody's place in the organization. How do you evaluate what's going on?" He did know he was buying the Buffalo Sabres, right? [Buffalo News]

• We're starting to think Ottawa won the Turris trade. [Coyotes]

• Mike Green will have plenty of time alone with his wonky groin. [Capitals Insider]

• The Minnesota Wild place Colton Gillies on waivers in an effort to rid themselves of yet another draft mistake. [Hockey Wilderness]

• The New Jersey Devils are nearing financial calamity: "Vanderbeek is running out of options. He can't tap the franchise for the money because, when including Prudential Center revenue, the team could be staring at up to a $20 million loss this season." [NY Post]

• Jeff Skinner is nearly back for the Carolina Hurricanes. [AP]

• Brandon Dubinsky will be a game-time decision on Saturday vs. the Leafs. [NYDN]

• Scott Reynolds' take on the Mike Cammalleri trade: "I don't think that there's a huge difference between Cammalleri and Bourque today. Neither guy has been a positive driver in the possession metrics over the last season and a half, but both have been seeing decent competition in top nine minutes at even strength, and significant time on the power play, which has helped them to amass some points. The question for me is which guy is a better bet going forward, and I'd be betting on Cammalleri for sure" [Copper and Blue]

• Bruce Peter on the trade: "I will say this: it does not look like a full scale rebuild at this point. If that were the case, I think the team would have to put Carey Price on the trading block to the highest bidder. Gauthier has acquired players like Kaberle and now Rene Bourque who had longer term deals than the players he moved out. Still, I can't support this attitude. I can't cheer on my team to lose. I'm not going to hold out for the occasional flourish of victory like the Winnipeg game last week. My objective as a fan is for a winning season. If the people in the organization don't want that, then I don't see the point in my continued support." [Eyes On The Prize]

• Interesting take from Dennis Kane: "And take away numbers and past and present performances, I'll just come clean here. I never liked Cammalleri's game from the beginning, even when he was producing. All I could see out there was a guy with talent who also played a soft game, who roamed the edges looking to be set up, who didn't like to get his nose dirty, and whose shoulder pads were too big for his body." [Dennis Kane]

• Tapeleg reviews "Goon": "And it deserves your time, attention and money much more than the latest Michael Bay blockbuster.  There are plenty of people willing to go to Transformers 10: Turn On Your Headlights.  Goon is a movie for us.  It was made by hockey fans, and you can tell.  See it before you decide what it really is." [Jerseys and Hockey Love]

• Finally, this hit by Scott Fletcher of the Everblades on Mike Embach could be one of the best of the year. Said Fletcher of the hit:

"I saw my defense partner and I've always told him, 'I've always thrown big hits in the neutral zone so if you see him coming across fill the void in the back end.'" I saw two guys and he was cutting across and it's almost like his partner kinda blindsided him a little bit and I just came out of nowhere and caught him. It was a good clean hit. I don't ever want to hurt anyone, I always want to play the game hard and play it the right way. I hope he's OK and there's no concussion or anything like that because I'm not that type of player, I'm not a dirty guy so I just hope he bounces back." [Naples News]

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Trending Topics is a column that looks at the week in hockey according to Twitter. If you're only going to comment to say how stupid Twitter is, why not just go have a good cry for the slow, sad death of your dear internet instead?

For about two minutes yesterday, I was just like everyone else.

NHL All-Star rosters had come out and as I looked through them, I marveled at the snubs.

Where was Teemu Selanne, who leads his teams in points playing in what is almost certainly his final season and is pretty much universally beloved? Where was Nicklas Lidstrom, the second-best defenseman of all time behind Bobby Orr, a Norris winner at 41 and a guy making Ian White -- of everyone on Earth -- look like a superstar? Where was Jaromir Jagr, who's having a revelatory season after years spent in Siberian exile, and is one of the greatest offensive forces in hockey history?

I was angry, I was confused. But then I remembered that the NHL has the stupidest All-Star policy on the planet.

The reason these guys — and many other of the league's top players over whom fans of their teams have legitimate gripes for their lack of inclusion — aren't going to the game is not because the league magically overlooked them. No one on earth forgets that Nicklas Lidstrom plays in the NHL.

What happened was that these players were quietly told they would be selected as All-Stars, probably a few days ago, and politely declined. After all, when you're selected to the team, it's five days off you don't get, and generally the rigamarole that goes into participating in All-Star Weekend is referred to as "a grind." It is, therefore, pretty easy to see why these guys turned down the chance to participate in their 29th straight glorified shinny game.

Being named an All-Star is a big deal to some players because it means that in their next contract negotiations, they can pull out their blue or red jersey and go, "Look at this, and then add half a million dollars to my yearly salary." But those guys aren't exactly playing for the contract at this point.

Other sports do things differently. In baseball, for example, guys are named to All-Star teams because they deserve to be there, and then get to beg out later because of minor, possibly-exaggerated injuries. They're still All-Stars, but they just want to take the week to rest instead. And that's when guys get subbed in. Makes perfect sense.

It cannot, however, be that way in the NHL.

You might remember a few years ago, Lidstrom and Pavel Datsyuk were named to the All-Star team but begged out in much the same way baseball players do; they had nagging injuries and wanted to rest them, rather than answer questions from the media, sign a trillion autographs, stand around during skills competitions, then half-ass their way through an unwatchable 12-11 game that, of course, ended in a shootout.

You might also remember that for this terrible crime against the Sanctity Of The League or whatever it was, Gary Bettman suspended both of them for a game apiece. Which is colossally stupid. The rule, apparently, is that unless you miss your team's final game before the All-Star Game, you will be suspended for not participating, so it will be interesting to see whether all these "snubs" who asked out will be eating some pressbox popcorn in the coming days.

And the reason it's stupid is obvious. People who tune in are still getting the same players participating this way as they would under a saner system. None of the people going to the game (see also: sponsors and maybe their kids or something) are going to be put out by Nicklas Lidstrom's absence because they're going to be futzing with their phones and gladhanding all game anyway.

What, in the end, is the qualitative difference between asking not to be selected as an All-Star and having someone named in your place, and being selected then backing out?

To pretend as though Selanne and Lidstrom aren't good enough to be All-Stars this year, but Alex Ovechkin or Logan Couture are, by comparison, is absurd. It opens up too many complaints about snubs and makes the people who pick these teams look like maniacs. Although, to be fair, the league is now at least acknowledging that guys are passing on the opportunities to play and deferring to teammates, something I don't recall them doing last year.

So really, what's the difference if we all officially know that no one cares?

Obviously because Bettman put his foot down about Lidstrom and Datsyuk that one time, the league can't reverse its decision without losing face, at least in its own estimation. And so we're stuck with an initial All-Star roster that includes Dennis Wideman like that's no big deal.

Forget snubs, that's what everyone should really be angry about.

Shameful Behavior from Pierre Gauthier

When it rains in Montreal it apparently pours, and the huge downpour of embarrassing behavior — canning an assistant coach for no readily apparent reason, trying to get a coach fired for not speaking a language, the owner apologizing to fans for hiring that coach, protests and more — just wasn't enough.

Now the Habs have traded an admittedly under-performing, big-contract player after he had the audacity to say that the team, which currently sits 12th in the East, only three points ahead of the dead-last Islanders, has a losing mentality. Please note, however, that including last night's game in Boston, the Habs have won just three of their last 12.

Guys have, of course, been traded for being malcontents before, and Cammalleri certainly isn't the last, but Pierre Gauthier, frantically grabbing at the emergency cord on his parachute for any maneuver that will save his job, did a pretty crummy thing in pulling his $6 million man from the third period of a game against the team's archrival, sending him back to the hotel to await further instructions like he's in Mission: Impossible 5.

The optics on this look bad because the move came just hours after the controversial statement (allegedly ginned up to be more than it was by some members of the Montreal media after the quotes were translated to French) but apparently the trade had been discussed for a month or so.

And really, that makes the decision to pull him from the game look worse. It's a pretty bad thing to do to a guy on your payroll to yank him from a game you let him start. I understand they didn't want to run the risk of him getting hurt in the third period but the point is, why let him play the game at all? It's unlikely that Jay Feaster picked up the phone in the second intermission and said, "Y'know what? We'll take Cammalleri now."

Regardless of the circumstances leading up to the decision to pull Cammalleri from the game, this looks like petty payback from Gauthier for innocuous comments, but I'm not sure what we're supposed to expect from a guy who has excelled at making himself look bad in recent weeks.

This is a total gong show, and the way everyone in that city has been behaving lately, it's richly deserved.

Pearls of Biz-dom

We all know that there isn't a better Twitter account out there than that of Paul Bissonnette. So why not find his best bit of advice on love, life and lappers from the last week?

BizNasty on milestones: "If my math is correct, at my pace I can catch Jarome Iginla in goals when I turn 170 years old and have played over 11,000 games."

If you've got something for Trending Topics, holla at Lambert on Twitter or via e-mail. He'll even credit you so you get a thousand followers in one day and you'll become the most popular person on the Internet! You can also visit his blog if you're so inclined.

In what's becoming too regular of an occurrence, New York Islanders goaltender Rick DiPietro will likely miss the rest of the season due to an injury.

According to Newsday's Arthur Staple, the 30-year old DiPietro, who's been on injured reserve with a groin injury since Dec. 4, will undergo hernia surgery next week, effectively ending his season. There's a chance he could return in early April, but given his medical history, what good would that do?

From Newsday (sub. required):

"This is something I thought would just heal up and go away, and instead it got more and more debilitating," a somber DiPietro told Newsday yesterday from Boston, where he will have the surgery. "I'm almost bionic at this point."

Since the 2008-09 season, DiPietro has played in just 47 games. Once this season ends, he'll have nine years remaining on the monumental 15-year deal he signed in 2006. DiPietro told Staple he doesn't plan to retire (and why would he when $40.5 million remains owed to him, according to CapGeek) and Islanders GM Garth Snow said he was confident the surgery would go well and he'd return before season's end.

This season, the injury history of the Islanders' crease has continued. Evgeni Nabokov missed time with a groin problem, DiPietro hasn't played since Dec. 3rd and Al Montoya has been out since just before Christmas with a concussion.

With over 200 man-games lost to injury, the health of the roster hasn't been limited to in goal as the Islanders sit last in the Eastern Conference with 36 points in a year that many expected the team to show some improvement.

Follow Sean Leahy on Twitter at @Sean_Leahy

The Chicago Blackhawks announced the inevitable on Friday: Winger Dan Carcillo is done for the 2011-12 season because of an ACL injury.

OK, a self-inflicted ACL injury, suffered in a successful attempt to injure Tom Gilbert of the Edmonton Oilers back on Jan. 2:

For this act, Carcillo was suspended seven games by the NHL, a suspension that ends on Sunday. Gilbert will be out until after the All-Star break with his knee injury.

From Chicago Blackhawks Head Team Physician Dr. Michael Terry:

"Daniel Carcillo will undergo anterior cruciate ligament reconstructive surgery on Tuesday, Jan. 17. This decision was made today after much evaluation and consideration of various options. We anticipate a full return in six months."

Carcillo, 26, has recorded 11 points (2G, 9A), 82 penalty minutes and a +10 plus/minus rating in 28 regular-season tilts this year, his first season with the Blackhawks. Over parts of five National Hockey League seasons with Phoenix (2006-09), Philadelphia (2009-11) and Chicago, the King City, Ontario, native has registered 84 points (38G, 46A) and 1,068 penalty minutes in 310 regular-season tilts, and 11 points (5G, 6A) and a +6 rating in 33 Stanley Cup Playoffs contests.

The existence of karma and just desserts having been confirmed, the big mystery is now whether Carcillo has played his last game as a Blackhawk. He was on a 1-year contract, making $775,000.

Earlier this season, Carcillo played well on a line with Patrick Kane and Marian Hossa. In the three of the four games leading up to his suspension, his ice time had dropped to under 10 minutes.

Well, at the very least he'll have more time for his rock radio show. But we won't see him in the playoffs against Vancouver. And that makes us sad.

Here are your Puck Previews: Spotlighting the key games in NHL action, news and views as well as general frivolity. Make sure to stop back here for the nightly Three Stars when the games are finished

Preview: Tampa Bay Lightning at Washington Capitals, 7 p.m. ET. Like anyone trying to get a cell phone signal in Verizon Center, that building has been a house of horrors of late for the Lightning. Losers of 10 of their last 12 in Washington, Tampa looks to snap a five-game skid. The Capitals moved into a playoff spot in the Eastern Conference with a 1-0 win over the Pittsburgh Penguins Wednesday night, improving their record under head coach Dale Hunter to 10-9-1.

Preview: Toronto Maple Leafs at Buffalo Sabres, 7:30 p.m. ET. The Leafs look for their fifth in a row as they finish a home-and-home with the Sabres. Whether you're one to use injuries as an excuse, this season has been nothing but a disappointment for Buffalo. Tonight will be the Sabres' last home game before they play their next seven on the road.

Preview: Anaheim Ducks at Edmonton Oilers, 9:30 p.m. ET. The Ducks have won three of their last four, while the Oilers have dropped four in a row in a battle of Western Conference cellar dwellers.

Check out previews and updated scores for all of today's games on the Y! Sports NHL scores and scheds page. For tonight's starting goalies, check out Left Wing Lock.

Evening Reading

• Mike Richards of the Los Angeles Kings on the instigator penalty after his tiff with Brenden Morrow of the Dallas Stars Thursday night: "I think Brian Burke said in, in an article last week, about how the smaller — I don't know the exact words he used — I think he said `rats,' but how the smaller guys are starting to take over the league. You make a hit like that — not that Morrow didn't defend himself, because he's a tough guy and probably got the better side of me on that — and then we're down four minutes at a key part of the game. If I get four minutes after that, and put the team down, you're probably going to think twice about it (next time). It's a touchy subject. It's something that I don't think us, as players, totally understand what they want. If you're going to give a guy a four-minute penalty for sticking up for teammates, I think that's the wrong way.'' [LA Kings Insider]

• From a Flames fan perspective, the good, bad and cynical about last night's Mike Cammalleri for Rene Bourque deal. [Flames Nation]

• "Will the Real Capitals Show up in Washington?" [The Hockey Writers]

Puck Daddy Reader Comment of the Day: "Wtmommy" is no fan of Steven Tyler's attendance at the Kings/Stars game last night:

"Please make Steven Tyler go far, far away. This guy looks unbearably creepy. WTH does he have to do with hockey? Doesn't he have some houses to haunt?"

Bold Prediction: All five road teams will be victorious.

No. 1 Star: Troy Brouwer, Washington Capitals

On the back of Brouwer's first NHL hat trick, the Capitals hung on for a 4-3 victory over the Tampa Bay Lightning for their sixth straight win at Verizon Center. Scoring in each period, Brouwer completed his trick with an empty-netter to end the Lightning comeback:

No. 2 Star: Jonas Hiller, Anaheim Ducks

A new year, a new start for the Ducks. Hiller's 33 saves, Corey Perry's two goals and Ryan Getzlaf's four helpers paved the way for a 5-0 blanking of the Edmonton Oilers. It was Hiller's 100th career NHL win. Anaheim is now 4-0-1 in their last five games. The shutout was Hiller's second of the season and 13th of his career.

No. 3 Star: Marc-Andre Fleury, Pittsburgh Penguins

After losing their last six games and not scoring more than a single goal in any of them, the Penguins rebounded with a 4-1 win over the Florida Panthers. Fleury made 25 saves for his 20th victory of the season. James Neal scored his 22nd goal and added an assist, while Evgeni Malkin's 18th stood as the game-winner.

Honorable mention: Tomas Vokoun stopped 28 shots for his second straight win ... Steven Stamkos notched his league-leading 30th goal in the loss ... Derick Brassard set up Rick Nash's 15th to give Columbus their first lead of the game in the second period and then put home what would end up being the game-winning goal later on as the Blue Jackets edged the Phoenix Coyotes 4-3. The victory was the first for interim head coach Todd Richards after he took over for the fired Scott Arniel. Columbus rookies Tomas Kubalik and Ryan Russell each scored their first NHL goals, the second time a pair of Blue Jackets rookies have done so in the same game this season ... Lauri Korpikoski put up a 3-point night for the Coyotes in the loss ... Radim Vrbata scored his 22nd goal of the season for Phoenix ... Jason Pominville's go-ahead goal late in the second period stood as the winner during Buffalo's 3-2 victory over the Toronto Maple Leafs. Paul Gaustad scored a goal and added an assist, while Ryan Miller stopped 24 shots to snap a two-game slide.

Did you know? Buffalo has lost seven straight road games in regulation to match a franchise worst. (AP)

Dishonorable mention: On his 39th birthday, Nikolai Khabibulin lasted just 30 minutes and allowed three goals on 14 shots before being pulled ... Lightning head coach Guy Boucher is not a fan of the NHL schedule: "I can't fault anything we've done. Our players have played hard in ridiculous situations where the other team waits for you at home while you go to bed at 4 o'clock and you played the last night. We can't ask more from our players."

There wasn't a single hockey-related story from 2011 I found more amusing than Prime Minister Stephen Harper's attempt to get tickets for the Winnipeg Jets home opener. The outcry over a report that Harper had requested 14 tickets to the game (and only been given two, in such high demand were they) was hilarious, as was the ancillary outcry that he might not have to pay full price out of his own pocket like everybody else.

The notion that the Prime Minister of Canada's attempt to score primo Jets tickets was an abuse of power makes me laugh even now. In case it wasn't already obvious, Canada, my country of origin, takes its hockey pretty seriously.

Of course, that's exactly why Harper, the leader of Canada's Conservative Party, had to be at that game. Missing the Jets home opener would have run contrary to the hockey-obsessed persona that Harper and his political strategists have been constructing for him for years.

Long accused of being robotic, cold, and unapproachable, the Conservative Party has worked to humanize their leader by playing up his love of hockey to an absurd degree.

Oh, you didn't know that the prime minister looooooves hockey? He's in attendance for as many games as possible. He's a member of the Society for International Hockey Research. He's been writing a hockey book for eight years, apparently has hockey trivia contests at the office, isn't above dropping in on the occasional street game, and even wrote the foreword for Paul Henderson's recent book on the 1972 Summit Series.

As Lawrence Martin wrote on Tuesday, he's become the hockey prime minister. From the Globe & Mail:

[...] Mr. Harper is changing the sports-politics dynamic. He is moving big-time into our hockey space. He's on hockey platforms, promoting the sport, every chance he gets. His government renovates rinks across the land, gives tax credits for kids' hockey equipment. And soon, the big deal: He's bringing out his very own hockey book, a volume on professional hockey in its early days.

It's all part of his populist pitch, the new patriotism he is trying to instill. It's also a personal image enhancer. As Prime Minister, he has found it hard to connect on a personal level. What better way than being the hockey prime minister? The country, egged on by saturation media coverage, is overdosing on the sport.

Overdosing doesn't even begin to describe it. Hockey is Canada's religion, and considering the way that American politicians exploit religion for political gain, it's no wonder Harper makes a point of being seen at so many hockey events.

It's the American equivalent of being photographed at church.

I'm not the first person to point out that, true fan or otherwise, Harper's interest in hockey is politically motivated. Steven Chase noted that the Prime Minister's decision to participate in a game of road hockey during the April 2011 election was fully calculated. From the Globe and Mail:

Compare and contrast: the very day that Michael Ignatieff was unveiling his election platform inside an Ottawa hotel, Stephen Harper was promising new tax breaks for sports fees and playing a street hockey game for the cameras.

It appeared a deliberate effort to differentiate himself from Mr. Ignatieff, a man the Conservatives delight in trying to paint as elitist and out of touch.

TV cameras in tow, Mr. Harper ventured to a suburban Ottawa parking lot to play pick-up street hockey with 30 kids and local Tory candidate Pierre Poilievre.

In other words, it wasn't just a game of pick-up hockey; it was a photo op.

See, Harper's being sold to us as the cool prime minister. While the other guys are out detailing boring plans and being all political and bookish, ol' Stevie Harper's just playin' some road puck or takin' in a game because he loves it.

It's not a terrible strategy in this country (and it's certainly better than playing up Harper's creepy love for cats), but it is terribly transparent.

Consider Harper's hockey book, which he's been working on for eight years. I don't doubt that it's real, especially since it's slated to come out some time this year, but his 2004 start date conveniently coincides with his election as the leader of the Conservative Party. Think the new party's political strategists thought it might endear him to the hockey-loving populace if he said he was writing a hockey book?

I don't have a problem with Harper loving hockey, but I cringe at the direction this whole scheme is headed. In Martin's piece, he mentioned that beloved Canadian politician Pierre Elliott Trudeau wasn't much of a hockey guy. As with any time someone says an unkind word about Trudeau, this necessitated a defense. From John Geddes, writing for Maclean's:

[...] I think Martin went off side in dismissing Pierre Trudeau's shinny credentials, asserting that Trudeau preferred individual to team sports, and "could barely tell a hockey stick from a tennis racket."

In fact, Trudeau biographer John English writes, in 2007's Citizen of the World: The Life of Pierre Elliott Trudeau Volume One: 1919-1968, concerning Trudeau's schools days at Montréal's College Jean-de-Brébeuf: "About sports, he never complained. He became the captain of the hockey team, played lacrosse, and went on ski excursions."

Geddes's piece was informative, but I chuckled at the notion that Trudeau's hockey connection needed to be clarified. See, with the disclosure that Trudeau wasn't much of a hockey man came the insinuation that there was something wrong with him, that he wasn't quite as "Canadian" as we believed. Thankfully, Geddes was able to refute that.

But if past politicians' appreciation for hockey now needs to be defended, future politicians will find themselves in the same predicament. I fear that an overweening love of the game is on its way to becoming a requirement in Canadian politics, and that's a scary thought. I cringe at the possibility of an election that turns on which guy loves hockey the most.

We've seen, with the recent controversy over Randy Cunneyworth's monolingualism, how absurd things can get when hockey gets dragged into the Canadian political arena. The fact that the nation appears to be headed for more of this is unsettling.

Follow Harrison Mooney on Twitter at @HarrisonMooney

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Currently serving a 5-game suspension for low-bridging Sami Salo and generally considered one of the NHL's preeminent pests, Brad Marchand of the Boston Bruins has earned his share of nicknames. Among the printable ones: "The Rat."

This nickname, of course, has already been applied to another infamous hockey nuisance: Ken 'The Rat' Linseman, the former Boston Bruin who spent 14 years pissing off the rest of the National Hockey League — both in antics and offensive effectiveness.

This being an election year, it's a time for seeking endorsements. Steve Buckley of the Boston Herald sought that of Linseman, in validating Marchand's rat status.

The result? Meet the new "Rat," said the old "Rat."

From the Herald, Linseman said:

"There have been so many times since my career ended where I've heard people being compared to me," he said yesterday.

"But he's probably the first one that plays closest to me that also has really good skills. I think he's a great player, and he'll be a great player for years. So as far as being compared to me, yeah, I'm quite proud and happy about that because I like him as a player."

But Linseman also had a warning for Marchand, who has clearly grabbed the attention of both on-ice officials and NHL disciplinarians:

"But as my career went on I used to get penalties — and Terry O'Reilly would attest to this — when I'd be nowhere near somebody getting hit or hurt on the ice, and I'd get a penalty," he said.

"There's a fine line there on how to approach it all, and sometimes you can't approach it because, really, you're out there playing instinctively. They're definitely trying to send him a message, with that length of suspension."

For the record, Linseman said he never loved the nickname "The Rat." Luckily, Marchand has an ample number of alternatives in case he tires of his rodent moniker — he's clearly taken to Nose Face Killah already.

s/t Kukla.

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On Wednesday, Toronto Maple Leafs GM Brian Burke went on FAN 590 in Toronto and said that the team was working on a trade; he also said that he wouldn't be against "trading a 22-year-old of one position for a 22-year-old of another position."

Defenseman Luke Schenn is 22. So is Philadelphia Flyers forward James van Riemsdyk, whose team is in need of another blue liner. He's also an American, and hence catnip to Brian Burke.

The Leafs and Flyers are talking trade, according to TSN and Frank Seravalli of the Philadelphia Daily News. The initial scuttlebutt was that it was the Schenn/JVR swap. But now that deal appears to have either (a) never been discussed or (b) dramatically delayed or (c) dead altogether, because:

• The Flyers and Leafs deny the two players were ever in this trade. Philadelphia sources told Broad Street Bull that the deal was "not happening." Burke met with Schenn to tell him that he hadn't been offered in a trade and that "I don't know where the rumours started. I told him that's not happening."

• The Flyers' focus continues to be a deal for a defenseman closer to the trade deadline, and one that will likely target either a UFA like Tim Gleason of the Carolina Hurricanes or a big push for Ryan Suter of the Nashville Predators, a fellow UFA that the Flyers would seek to sign long-term, according to Seravalli.

• But perhaps the biggest reason why this trade isn't happening any time soon: Philadelphia announced on Saturday that James van Riemsdyk is out indefinitely with a concussion after he "was hit in the head in each of [the] last two games." And we all know Brian Burke only trades for concussed players in salary dumps …

So cancel those Schenn Flyers jersey orders. Unless it's for Braydon.

Sean Avery was a healthy scratch on Friday night for the AHL Connecticut Whale's game in Norfolk, and the New York Rangers told Katie Strang of ESPN that it was for "disciplinary reasons."

And with that, the key turned on the Sean Avery Extreme Speculation Machine.

Deadspin reported on Saturday morning that "the rumor spreading on Twitter is that he was benched for spitting on his coach," speculating that Avery could be agitated by the recent news that the Rangers are stalling on having him move to a new team because of salary cap concerns.

(Something agitating Sean Avery? Oh, hockey irony …)

The Whale on Saturday said Avery was scratched for "a minor infraction." The Rangers, meanwhile, flat-out denied that Avery spit on Coach Ken Gernander to draw the disciplinary action.

From Pat Leonard of the NY Daily News:

"The Rangers said Saturday that Avery did not spit on Gernander, or anyone for that matter, but otherwise would not discuss the specifics of his infraction."

Sean Avery took to Twitter for his defense:

"Try not to BELIEVE everything u read. Gentlemen don't spit … Amazing how if I do speak it gets me in trouble...more amazing how not speaking gets me in more trouble!"

A source confirmed to Yahoo! Sports on Saturday that the spitting story was unlikely true, but that talk of Avery's discontent was accurate. That includes a "lack of effort in practice" and, according to the source, that he told Gernander he "wasn't playing" on Friday night. Which, if true, apparently didn't sit well with the coach.

The Whale are in Norfolk again on Saturday night to face the Admirals. Will Avery play tonight for the Admirals' annual "Pink in the Rink" game?

That's unconfirmed at this time. Confirmed by the Rangers: Sean Avery doesn't spit.

DETROIT -- Nicklas Lidstrom thinks the NHL should add another element to the Fantasy Draft and All-Star Game — rivalry.

With the festivities in Ottawa this year, one captain should be the Senators' Daniel Alfredsson. That's a slam dunk. He's the face of the franchise.

But the other captain should be the Toronto Maple Leafs' Dion Phaneuf. He's the face of the enemy.

"I think you can have a lot of fun with it -- and I think especially if you get the Battle of Ontario going a little bit -- even though it's an All-Star Game," Lidstrom said. "I think the guys are going into it having that attitude."

Lidstrom should know. The Detroit Red Wings' superstar captained one of the teams in Carolina last year, the first time the NHL tried this format -- hoping to add some drama and competitive spirit to an event that had gone stale. The all-stars help pick the captains, the captains pick the teams on a TV show and they go at it in the game, with bragging rights on the line.

It worked well last year. Team Lidstrom won, 11-10, beating a team captained by the Hurricanes' Eric Staal.

The thing is, nobody hated Lidstrom. Nobody has ever hated Lidstrom -- an elegant player and a nice guy. The fans probably wouldn't have hated him even if he had captained a team with this format in Colorado the late 1990s.

But Phaneuf vs. Alfredsson?

Perfect.

Lidstrom enjoyed building up the suspense even when he was simply asked which captains he would pick this year. He said Alfredsson was the obvious choice for one team. He said there were some good candidates for the other team -- Jarome Iginla, Zdeno Chara. But then he paused and smiled.

"One I kind of like, that's kind of intriguing …"

Another pause. Another smile.

"Put Phaneuf in there," he said finally. "If you've got Phaneuf and Alfredsson, Toronto against Ottawa, the Battle of Ontario, that would kind of spice it up."

Being a captain is a great honor. It meant a lot to Lidstrom last year, and it would mean a lot to Alfredsson this year. But it would mean a lot to Phaneuf, too, especially if his all-star peers push for him after 161 anonymous players voted him the most overrated player in the NHL in a Sports Illustrated poll.

And remember, this is not something sacred; the Stanley Cup isn't on the line. It's a friendly affair that needs a little jolt. The NHL will air the Fantasy Draft on national television in Canada, and what would be better than having the captains of rival Canadian teams picking rival All-Star teams?

Alfredsson can pick the other Ottawa Senators -- Jason Spezza, Milan Michalek, Erik Karlsson.

Phaneuf can pick the other Toronto Maple Leafs -- Phil Kessel, Joffrey Lupul. How great would it be if he took Kessel with his first choice, a year after Kessel went last? Kessel deserves it, ranking among the league's scoring leaders this season.

Then Phaneuf could pick the former Senators -- Chara, Brian Elliott. Especially Brian Elliott. The Senators traded him away last season. He ended up settling for a $600,000 salary on a two-way contract with the St. Louis Blues. Now he comes back to Ottawa as one of the league's top goaltenders.

You know Phaneuf would play the villain well on TV and on the ice -- with all his scowling and smiling and chirping -- and you know he would be a little more serious than usual if he were leading Team Phaneuf.

The Battle of Ontario resumes Tuesday night in Toronto, and it's a big deal again. The surprising Senators and the improving Leafs are fighting for playoff spots in the East. How about making the announcement then?

Phaneuf vs. Alfredsson.

"You're not going to see the very hard All-Star Game where guys are blocking shots or hitting guys, but I think you can build it up a little bit," said Lidstrom, who is sitting this one out to rest his 41-year-old body.

"I think the draft can do that for you. I think that's why if you have the Battle of Ontario, I think that would be fun."

Here's a very rare occurrence: a penalty shot awarded during a play that features no scoring chance whatsoever.

With a minute and a half to go in Saturday night's game between the New York Islanders and the Buffalo Sabres, and with the Islanders leading 3-2, Sabres' winger Thomas Vanek took the puck behind the Islanders goal. Islanders' captain Mark Streit went after him, but caught an edge on his way below the goal line and ran into the post, knocking the net off.

And referee Eric Furlatt, who was standing, like, right there, somehow saw this honest mistake as an intentional dislodging of the goal and awarded the Sabres a penalty shot.

Thankfully, because there is some justice in the world, Vanek hit the post, and the Islanders would go on to win the game, 4-2. Amazingly, Furlatt didn't punish this honest mistake with a penalty shot for the Islanders.

Anyway. I just shared this so we could all be outraged together.

s/t to Kukla's Korner.

Follow Harrison Mooney on Twitter at @HarrisonMooney

Another day, another ugly hit in the NHL. This one comes to us from Saturday's tilt between the San Jose Sharks and the Columbus Blue Jackets, as Jackets' winger Dane Byers stepped into Andrew Desjardins.

Early in the second period, Desjardins pokes the puck out of the zone. That's when Byers comes from the side and lands a heavy shoulder. Problem is, Desjardins never sees him. Also, contact is to the head. Click here or on the screencap below for video.

It's hard to say definitively if a play is going to earn supplemental discipline these days, but this looks like a fairly suspendable hit to me, since it has the look of one of them there east-west blindside head hits.

Unsurprisingly, the coach of the victim feels the same way. From David Pollak:

"That's exactly what we want to eliminate from the game, exactly," Sharks coach Todd McLellan said.

That's a strong quote, and you have to imagine there are going to be some unhappy people in San Jose if the hit doesn't draw a suspension. I suspect it will.

Desjardins had to be helped from the ice and was taken directly to the quiet room. He said he felt fine after the game, but the Sharks are going to be cautious with this one.

McLellan was quick to point out, however, that with head injuries such as concussions, the full extent of the damage is not always immediately apparent.

"You just don't know when it's going to step up and affect you," McLellan said. "Right now he's feeling OK, but we'll see how he is in the morning."

Here's hoping he's fine in the morning.

Follow Harrison Mooney on Twitter at @HarrisonMooney

No. 1 Star: Todd Bertuzzi, Detroit Red Wings

Todd Bertuzzi scored twice in this game -- once on a breakaway in the first period and again in the overtime frame as the Red Wings' edged the Chicago Blackhawks, 3-2. Bertuzzi's breakaway goal came on an absolutely nutso backhand pass from Pavel Datsyuk, which deserves to be marveled at. So marvel away, friends:

No. 2 Star: Martin Biron, New York Rangers

He only needed to make 16 saves, but Biron picked up the shutout in the Rangers 3-0 win over the Toronto Maple Leafs. Michael Rupp's goal early in the second period stood as the game-winner. It was pretty:

No. 3 Star: Michael Grabner, New York Islanders

Michael Grabner scored twice in the New York Islanders 4-2 win over the Buffalo Sabres. His first was the game-winner; his second was the empty-netter three minutes later. John Tavares, P.A. Parenteau, and Matt Moulson all had two-point nights as well.

Honourable Mention: Patrik Elias scored the game-winner as the New Jersey Devils came back in the third period to top the Winnipeg Jets, 2-1... Paul Stastny picked up a helper and a game-winning goal in the Colorado Avalanche's 2-1 win over the Dallas Stars... After Milan Lucic gave the Boston Bruins the lead early in the third, Justin Faulk, Jay Harrison, and Eric Staal scored in a five-minute stretch to give the Carolina Hurricanes a 4-2 victory... Joe Finley and Matt Martin gave us the fight of the night...

... Patrick Marleau scored the go-ahead goal late in the third period in the San Jose Sharks' 2-1 win over the Columbus Blue Jackets. Curtis Sanford deserved better. Tomas Plekanec scored scored in the first minute of the third period to give the Montreal Canadiens a 1-0 lead and Maxim Pacioretty scored in the final minute to tie the game 2-2, but Daniel Alfredsson scored the only goal in the shootout to give the Ottawa Senators the 3-2 win... Nick Spaling scored the game-winner as the Nashville Predators knocked off the Philadelphia Flyers 4-2. Pekka Rinne made 36 saves. Wayne Simmonds and Sean Couturier combined for both Flyers goals. Speaking of Simmonds, here he is doing a flip:

... Kevin Shattenkirk scored the shootout winner as the St. Louis Blues got by the Minnesota Wild 3-2. Josh Harding deserved better. He made 47 saves in the game... Mike Richards and Dustin Brown had a goal and an assist in the Los Angeles Kings 4-1 win over the Calgary Flames. Michael Cammalleri scored the Flames' lone goal.

Did you know? The Red Wings' win was their 14th straight at home, a franchise record.

Dishonourable Mention: Jimmy Howard made some quality saves and he got the win in Detroit, but he'd have an easier time of things if he tightened up on the stickwork. First, there was this blunder, which narrowly resulted in a goal for Michael Frolik:

Then there was this blunder, which did result in a goal for Aaron Shaw:

... And finally, nothing dishonourable about this massive hit by Justin Falk on David Perron, but David Backes, who stepped in to defend his teammate, received 19 minutes in penalties in the aftermath: 5 for fighting, a 10-minute misconduct, 2 for instigating and another 2 for instigating while wearing a visor. That's a dumb rule.

Follow Harrison Mooney on Twitter at @HarrisonMooney

After firing Randy Carlyle and Anaheim Ducks GM Bob Murray watched his team go 3-9-2 under Bruce Boudreau immediately after. His team was tailspinning down the Western Conference standings, so Murray played his final card before he would be forced to potentially alter his roster via the trade market.

Telling the world that, of the entire Ducks roster, only Teemu Selanne and Saku Koivu were untouchable, the rest of his team was forced to either change the results on the ice; or, as unfathomable as it seemed, the rumors of breaking up his big three of Ryan Getzlaf, Corey Perry and Bobby Ryan would possibly come to fruition, as Murray would begin looking to the future and doing some in-house remodeling.

Whether it was Murray's way of warning some of his troops to being preparing change of address forms or a way to motivate his club, it's worked, so far. Since that conversation with Helene Elliott of the LA Times on Jan. 4, the Ducks are 4-0-1, outscoring opponents 21-9 as they head into their game against Vancouver on Sunday night.

During this current streak of success for the Ducks, the Getzlaf/Perry/Ryan line has combined for 17 points in five games, and Murray's words have gotten across to his captain, who spoke with the great Eric Duhatschek this week.

From the Globe and Mail:

"I know how this business goes, and the pressure Bob's under, and I wasn't doing him any favours," Getzlaf said in a moment of sober self-analysis Thursday. "That's the way things go. He's showed a lot of faith in me in years past and I'll continue to show that faith back to him.

"I don't want to go anywhere," continued Getzlaf, with emphasis.

"Anaheim, the city itself, has been unbelievable for me. My wife is from there. It's definitely where we've laid our roots and plan to stay as long as we can.

The playoffs might still be too far out of reach (15 points behind Minnesota), but signs of life out of that roster will be enough to stave off the blowing up of a roster who's second half surge last season was one of the NHL's best stories heading into the playoffs.

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There's that wonderful moment in hockey when you know the lacrosse shot* is coming. It's when the defenders are all a safe distance away, having left an attacking player alone behind the net. Then the guy with the puck crouches down and begins to lift it with his stick. You can imagine where it goes from here.

That scenario played out in a recent Swiss league game, as Dominic Lammer of EVZ (Glen Metropolit's team!) electrified the crowd with this sneaky shot against the Kloten Flyers:

(Please note the preceding video was labeled "Airhook von Dominic Lammer" on YouTube and was uploaded by someone named "LammerAirhook." Which is awesome.)

There's an interesting back story to this latest lacrosse goal as well.

From reader Adrian Iten, who hipped us to this clip:

The 19-year old Dominic Lammer is playing for EV Zug in the Swiss National League A (highest league). He was replacing Zug's (and league's) top scorer Damien Brunner as he was out due to sickness.

It was his 5th game of the season and his first NLA-goal. He scored two goals that night and yesterday; Saturday night he had a double goal night again. So quite a good weekend  He played six games this year with 4 goals and 2 assists.

Before he played in Zug he just played 3 other NLA-games for Kloten.

Funny fact is, that he was replacing Damien Brunner who was doing this last year in a game against EHC Biel:

Another fun fact is, that Brunner once had been traded from Kloten Flyers to Zug for nothing (a bad 4th liner called Thomas Walser). Now he's one of the best Swiss offence players and for sure the most creative one. Nice Datsyuk-style shoot out goal:

Now Lammer is traded via Kloten Flyers to Zug as well. And of course everybody is hoping now that they get another Damien Brunner.

Swiss drama! Thanks for the info, sir.

* Whenever we run a clip labeled as a "lacrosse goal," there are always comments from our European readers about how the inspiration is actually Floorball and the "Zorro goal." True as this may be, Mike Legg's was a lacrosse goal. All others shall be categorized thusly.

Ryan Ellis and Wayne Simmonds teamed up to treat us to one of the hits of the year Saturday night. Early in the second period, with the Nashville Predators leading the Philadelphia Flyers 1-0, Simmonds came flying down the left side, and tried to cut inside on Ellis, his man.

Ellis wasn't having it. While he initially looked to have overplayed Simmonds's dash down the wing, he made a deft recovery, stopping up and throwing the hip as Simmonds made his move to the middle. The result was this:

You've got to love a hit that sends a guy ass over teakettle. The Predators and their fans certainly did. From the Tennesseean:

"It was kind of something that happened in the moment," Ellis said. "He tried to cut in; it was a good move by him, but obviously I got in his way. I'm just a small guy, so he went over top of me."

The play seemed to ignite the announced sell-out crowd of 17,113 at Bridgestone Arena and the Predators players.

"That was awesome, just a one-on-one play," goaltender Pekka Rinne said. "Just a strong play by (Ellis). It was a key play. He had a long reach — Simmonds — he was trying to go around him. Just an old-school hip-check, and fun to watch."

All this said, when I shared the hit on Twitter, a number of people were quick to observe that the principle point of contact appears to be the knee area, and my first instinct upon seeing the hit was to agree. Isn't this clipping?

Clipping was only called a few times in 2011 (albeit twice to Keith Ballard, who can get a bit low), but with Brad Marchand's five-game suspension, the penalty has definitely gone mainstream. Expect flippy hipchecks of this sort to see an increased level of scrutiny going forward.

So what's the difference between Marchand's hit on Sami Salo and this one?

There are certainly similarities. Marchand and Ellis are both diminutive guys. Marchand is 5'9", Ellis is 5'10, and their victims, Salo and Simmonds, are quite a bit taller -- Simmonds is 6'2" and Salo is 6'3". In both cases, it could be argued that the hitter's small stature contributed to the lowness of the hit.

But there are differences between the two plays that explain why one garnered a five-gamer and the other garnered little more than oohs and aahs.

The first thing to remember is that Marchand wasn't suspended simply for the clip. He was suspended because Brendan Shanahan deemed it a predatory play. When you mix the descriptors "predatory", "injurious" and "the work of a repeat offender", you have a recipe for a lengthy suspension. Take away Salo's concussion, Marchand's discipline record, and Marchand's gloved punches to Salo in the seconds prior to the hit, and the punishment is likely far less severe.

But still, the officials didn't even look twice at this one, not even for a two-minute minor. Why?

The second thing to remember here is how clipping is defined:

44.1 Clipping - Clipping is the act of throwing the body, from any direction, across or below the knees of an opponent.

A player may not deliver a check in a "clipping" manner, nor lower his own body position to deliver a check on or below an opponent's knees.

Judging by this criteria, Ellis's hit isn't clipping. Why? Ellis doesn't lower his body position to deliver this check to the knee area -- Simmonds raises his body position. In his attempt to get around Ellis, he jumps, and both of his skates are off the ice at the moment of contact. Here's a screenshot:

As an aside, Wayne Simmonds has some long, skinny legs. He's like the drummer in that Supergrass video. Anyway.

It's hard to see from this angle, but if you watch the play in real-time, you can see Ellis attempt to compensate for Simmonds's hop by standing up a little to ensure that he connects with the waist. He clearly succeeds somewhat too, as Simmonds pops out to the side rather than up and over his head.

In short, this hit is clean, legal and, therefore, awesome. Feel free to watch it multiple times.

Follow Harrison Mooney on Twitter at @HarrisonMooney

You may know Die Toten Hosen from such German punk hits as "Ich bin die Sehnsucht in dir" and "Zehn kleine Jägermeister". Although probably not.

Here's how you'll know them, going forward: As the band that stepped up to try and save its favorite pro local hockey team, DEG in Düsseldorf, which is in a precarious financial situation.

From The Local:

Singer Campino (Andreas Frege) and guitarist Breiti (Michael Breitkopf) will unveil their plans to help out the DEG club at a press conference on Monday. The band will unveil a special Toten Hosen team jersey, which will include their trademark skull and star logo.

The band, which formed in Düsseldorf in 1982, has already helped out local football team Fortuna. They sponsored the team for two years and released a Toten Hosen team jersey that gained cult status, selling 30,000 items.

DEG will be hoping for a similar merchandising shot in the arm. The ice hockey team is struggling to stay in Germany's top hockey league after major sponsors Metro withdrew their €2 million backing for the team.

Along with the jersey unveiling, the Die Torten Hosen publicity stunt will also be used to launch a sponsorship campaign for both private citizens and corporations. If those sponsorships come rolling in, and if DEG can provide a workable financial plan by May, the city of Düsseldorf has approved a €450,000 grant to the eight-time champions.

All in all, an inspiring story about local musicians stepping up to rescue the local pro hockey team from financial hardship. OK, now which musicians with Newark ties saves the NJ Devils? My Chemical Romance? Queen Latifah? Redman?

In the third period on Sunday, after the host Tampa Bay Lightning tied the Pittsburgh Penguins in the third period, Dominic Moore of the Bolts was seen saying something to Penguins star Evgeni Malkin. Based on what happened next, he apparently said the wrong thing.

Already with two power-play assists on James Neal goals, here's Malkin scoring 48 seconds after Teddy Purcell's game-tying goal:

Vintage Geno power move right there: Unassisted, cutting across the crease, making it look easy.

Then Malkin entered Beast Mode to clinch the 6-3 win for the Penguins and a 5-point day for himself.

Here's Malkin's second goal just 1:49 later, assisted by Brooks Orpik, that's just a little more spectacular than the first.

The year is young, but this is one of 2012's most impressive tallies:

Finally, Malkin competed the hat trick with (ho hum) a perfectly placed empty netter from the red line:

With the 5-point game, Malkin now has 51 point on the season, trailing Henrik Sedin by one for the NHL lead. He jumped over eight players in the scoring race in one afternoon.

He nearly had a Gordie How hat trick to go along with his natural hat trick, according to Pensburgh:

Tensions boiled over. Lecavalier tried to check Malkin. Malkin ducked and avoided it. Lecavalier was displeased. He jawed at Malkin up and down the ice. Malkin gave him a little stick jab, then a shoulder bump into his shadower. His shadower came out swinging.

Before the next faceoff, Lecavalier was given a double minor for roughing and a game misconduct. Malkin was only given a roughing.

Damian Cristodero of the Tampa Times reported: "Lightning's Lecavalier left arena without talking to reporters. Coach Boucher said he believes Lecavalier thought Malkin went for his knees."

Please recall Malkin was suspended for a game in the 2006 Winter Olympics for kicking Lecavalier.

Alex Ovechkin had a busy summer. He presented 1,000,000 Rubles to the Dynamo Moscow Youth Hockey Program. He signed on with Mr. Big. He recreated the album cover for Funkadelic classic, Maggot Brain (okay, that's a Photoshop I did).

Speaking of forays into hip hop culture, he also did provide a guest rap and appear in the video for Sasha Belyi's "Champion". The music video for this track was released this weekend, and it is all kinds of wonderful. Check it out. Ovi's verse begins at 2:55.

If you're wondering what this song is about -- as if it wasn't clear from the genre that it's about how great the rapper is -- our own Dmitry Chesnokov tells us that it's a song about how if you become a champion, a lot of things come to you. And how you can flip others. (That makes a little more sense once you know that Sasha Belyi is also a judoka, the martial art focused on throwing and takedowns.)

Via Russian Machine Never Breaks, here's a translation of Ovechkin's mad rhymes for those of you who don't speak Russian:

Alumni of Dynamo
8 on the back.
In the All-Star game all attention is on me.

On the NatTeam since 17
Scored 100 points in a season
Gold medal in Canada in '08

Among the ten best players of the decade,
Stick in my hands, Rap in my headphones,
Saying hello from Washington,
Together with Sanya Belyi,
For every champion

[And then a bizarre sound that sounds like the English words "Look out!"]

I'll be honest: that's pretty tame. I was sort of hoping he'd call out Kris Versteeg or Brad Marchand. What the NHL needs -- and has always needed, in my opinion -- is a bona fide rap battle.

That said, by rapping (shall we say) not terribly, I do believe Ovechkin did just put the entire NHL on notice. No one's going to mistake Ovi for Nas or Gift of Gab, but he may have just asserted himself as the top rapper in the NHL.

His competition is scarce. For instance, here's Brad Marchand and Patrice Bergeron rapping "Black and Yellow" during the Bruins' Stanley Cup celebrations:

In their defense, this wasn't recorded in studio. Also, they're probably a little drunk. (Although that's not an excuse. Screamin' Jay Hawkins was hammered when he recorded "I Put a Spell on You".)

And here's Kris Versteeg rapping Fergie's "Glamorous" for Mouthpiece Sports:

Uh. I'm just gonna go ahead and declare Ovechkin the illest.

s/t to Russian Machine Never Breaks.

Follow Harrison Mooney on Twitter at @HarrisonMooney