Here are your Puck Headlines: a glorious collection of news and views collected from the greatest blogosphere in sports and the few, the proud, the mainstream hockey media.
• Evgeni Malkin poses with a xenomorph, moments after an Android Dan Bylsma does the knife trick on Pascal Dupuis's hand. What's Russian for "GET AWAY FROM HER YOU @#!$"? [PSAMP, via usboso]
• The Battle of Ontario, the Pittsburgh Penguins and the Boston Bruins are apparently the only ones that give a damn about the All-Star Game voting. Your leaders at forward: Phil Kessel of the Toronto Maple Leafs, Sidney Crosby of the Pittsburgh Penguins and Daniel Alfredsson of the Ottawa Senators; on defense it's Erik Karlsson of the Senators and Dion Phaneuf of the Leafs; and in goal, James Reimer has jumped over Tim Thomas to take the lead, with Thomas attempting to punch him in the genitals mid-jump. [NHL]
• Derick Brassard is from Quebec. The Columbus Blue Jackets play at the Montreal Canadiens tonight. He's a healthy scratch again. Oof. [Puck-Rakers]
• Fantasy hockey busts: Corey Perry, Jarome Iginla and Chris Stewart are among the biggest. [Dobber]
• Speaking of fantasy busts, Dale Hunter throws his arms in the air and puts the Mega Powers back on the same line. [Capitals Insider]
• ESPN's reaction to Matthew Barnaby's DWI. [ESPN]
• The new "24/7"-esque series on VERSUS will be called "NHL 36" and will follow Patrick Kane for 36 hours leading up to a Chicago Blackhawks game vs. the Minnesota Wild. Patrick Kane? Call us when this is on Cinemax. [Puck The Media]
• We neglected to include the Minnesota Wild in our winners for realignment, but they are. Here's a look at their new rivalries. [Wild Puck Banter]
• Do the 7-team conferences have an advantage over the 8-team conferences, or is that all perception? [Jewels Form The Crown]
• What the current NHL standings would look like under the new realignment. In which the Washington Capitals get a hand while the Dallas Stars get a punch to the gut. [Winging It]
• Save On Brew's NHL arena beer guide is makin' us thirsty. [SaveOnBrew]
• Ottawa Senators blog Silver Seven takes a look at the pros and cons of realignment. [Silver Seven]
• Dave Lozo takes a complete look at last year's standings under the new realignment. [NHL]
• Ken Hitchcock of the St. Louis Blues on realignment: "I hope we go to Winnipeg in October and November is my first thought ... You look at the eight teams and pick four, it's a hard thing to do. There's a lot of good teams in our conference. You're going to have your A game for a lot of nights if you expect to make the playoffs now. It's the toughest conference I've ever been associated with ... since I've been in the league." [STLToday.com]
Daniel Wagner argues for a revised playoff format: "Thus, with the NHL's new system, if the fifth place team in one or more conferences has a better record than the fourth place team in another conference, they could cross over and play in the first two rounds of the playoffs in that conference. While this would ensure that the NHL's best teams make the playoffs (correcting even the current system's imbalances between the Eastern and Western Conferences) it has the unfortunate side effect of removing the main benefit of the realignment, as teams would potentially have playoff matchups in unfriendly time zones." [Backhand Shelf]
• Patrick O'Sullivan heads down the AHL. What, no takers? [Coyotes]
• Nice piece by JP on the Washington Capitals' forecheck, and how it all needs to start in the defensive zone. [Japers' Rink]
• What we can learn from Derek Boogaard's sad tale. [Leader-Post]
• On San Jose Sharks fans booing Dany Heatley: "Heatley didn't ask to leave, he got sent away, but there were a whole lot of Sharks fans who did ask for him to be sent packing. I don't know what they have to boo about now." [Kukla]
• Valtteri Filppula, who suffered a deep laceration to his lower right shin in Sunday's loss at Colorado will miss the Red Wings game tonight against Central Division rival St. Louis. [Red Wings]
• Martin St. Louis on the Tampa Bay Lightning's struggles: "I feel like the past two or three years, the amount of scoring chances that we generate with nothing to show for it is at a three-year high, I would say. That could weight in a lot on your mind and make you think about things. You just have to be honest with your game and your assessment of your game. I feel we deserve better as a team." [Lightning Strikes]
• Which Philadelphia Flyers players will make the biggest impact on HBO 24/7? [Philly.com]
• Travis Hughes with a comprehensive guide to realignment for the Flyers. [Broad Street Hockey]
• Ryan Smyth is quickly climbing up the history ranking for the Edmonton Oilers: "It goes without saying that Smyth's four and a quarter seasons in exile from the city he loves set him back in terms of where he sits in the Oilers record books. Had he never left Smyth could already have passed Lowe on the games played list, now he'll need three more season after this one to do that; but if he stays healthy he could pass Glenn Anderson and Mark Messier this season." [Copper & Blue]
• "Dion Phaneuf's Dad Gets High Fives After His Son Decapitates A Ranger." [Deadspin]
• Finally, here's Bloge Salming and Down Goes Brown on Alex Ovechkin, Coach Killer. Get down girl go head get down.