Bleacher Creatures
are "toys that inspire love for sports teams and players" among young fans. We appreciate the clarification, because we were under the assumption this was just Patrick Kane's latest way to end up in your bed at the end of the night ...
Capitals Outsider wrote on Thursday that the Bleacher Creature line has been extended to the National Hockey League this year, with dolls retailing for about $20. The Alex Ovechkin doll they have posted over there isn't bad, although he's a little more Noel Gallagher than Russian Machine.
It is a slightly better likeness than the Chicago Blackhawks star shown above, aka the love child of Jane Lynch from "Glee" and Stretch Armstrong.
Coming up, four more examples of nightmare fuel from the otherwise adorable Bleacher Creatures line of NHL plush toys.
All images via the Bleacher Creatures NHL Series 1 Facebook page. And here … we … go.
Here is Sidney Crosby of the Pittsburgh Penuins, aka Xander from "Buffy." Classic mistake here for the Sidney doll: For the likeness to work, you have to hold his mouth in a half-crooked smirk to accentuate his bee-stung lips. Also, arching his eyebrows in exasperation over (a) a non-call on a breakaway or (b) the NHL's player safety policy would have helped.
This is allegedly James van Riemsdyk of the Philadelphia Flyers, aka Canadian actor Tyler Labine and/or Zartan from "G.I. Joe." We know what you're thinking: How could James van Riemsdyk possibly be on the same pages as postseason trophy winners and legitimate superstars. For the answer, look up the mileage between Plymouth Meeting, Pa., where the company is headquartered, and Philadelphia. (This would also explain the presence of Danny Briere.)
Bottom line: We feel like this doll should come with a Monster Energy Drink for some reason.
Oh, c'mon, Bleacher Creatures: What part of "Captain Serious" didn't you understand about Jonathan Toews? Although this is a wonderful plush recreation of a young Hank Azaria. "Hiya Homer!"
"Tony Award-winning actor Alfred Molina literally transforms into Evgeni Malkin of the Pittsburgh Penguins in the new off-Broadway comedy, 'Mama's Magic Borscht.'"
Or Ross Geller from "Friends." Or the creepy kid from "The Ring" all grow'd up. Or Geno just needs sleep.
But, in fairness, the Bleacher Creature people did nail a few of these dolls:
It's like some sinister wizard transformed Tim Thomas of the Boston Bruins into a living doll!
Either that or he's, ahem, getting his tires pumped, based on his expression.
Visit the Facebook page to see the Danny Briere and Henrik Zetterberg dolls. Capitals Outsider reports that a second series is in the works with Nicklas Backstrom among the featured players.
Two words, Bleacher Creatures: Byfuglien plushie.
Do it.
Featuring the comedy stylings of Sean Leahy and Harrison Mooney.
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