Here are your Puck Headlines: a glorious collection of news and views collected from the greatest blogosphere in sports and the few, the proud, the mainstream hockey media.
• For a mask, would expect nothing less from a goaltender named Tyson Sexsmith.
• The Flyers' Tom Sestito has been suspended for the rest of the preseason and two regular-season games. [Flyers]
• Alex Ovechkin on Russian women vs. American women: "Ours, no options. I think I will only marry a Russian, well, I mean, a girl from Russia. Russians are sincere, understanding and cook well." So American women are apparently lying, selfish and addicted to takeout. [Alex Ovetjkin]
• Danny Briere of the Philadelphia Flyers believes Sean Avery just wants attention and, on the Wayne Simmonds' alleged slur affair, said: "It's ironic everyone is defending Avery and it's OK for him to call guys out about killing them." Yeah, society, why do you coddle murderers?! [Broad Street Bull]
• Spector on the Avery to the AHL talk. [THN]
• David Epstein and Michael Farber on Sidney Crosby's medical voodoo: Hiring a chiropractor who put him in a space camp-style gyroscope chair. ("JINX PUT SID IN SPACE …") [SI]
• A plea to the San Jose Sharks to make an "It Gets Better" anti-bullying video, as the Giants have done. [Change.org]
• The San Jose Sharks respect the Shanahammer. [Mercury News]
• New Jersey Devils goalie Martin Brodeur, however, doesn't exactly like the amount of Shanabans we've seen so far in the preseason. 'Twelve suspensions for 37 games or whatever it turns out. … That's not good for the game. No other sport does anything like that to itself." [NY Post]
• The OHL has joined the "explaining our suspensions" craze by banning three players for a total of 28 games. [Buzzing The Net]
• How much does Jaromir Jagr need to score to be worth his contract? [Miller To The Bench]
• Please check out and contribute what you can to the Lokomotiv Wives Fund, organized by the wife of former NHLer/Current KHLer Kevin Dallman. [Facebook]
• By far our favorite story of the day from Chris Botta: New York Islanders rookie Kirill Kabanov gets invited to play roller hockey by a fan on Facebook and he accepted. [NYT]
• At the Pittsburgh Penguins vs. Los Angeles Kings exhibition game in Kansas City, the vibe seems to be one of patience and getting a team on "their terms." So, like, never then. [KC Star]
• The game was officially a sellout, through it didn't look like it inside the barn. Bottom line: Can the NHL work in Kansas City? [HOTH]
• Expect Andrew Cogliano to start at center for the Anaheim Ducks this season. [Ducks]
• Sam Gagner's injury for the Edmonton Oilers has him unofficially listed "somewhere between one week and eternity." [Lowetide]
• Ryan Nugent-Hopkins and Taylor Hall and Jordan Eberle and drooooooool… [QMI]
• Brian Burke was happy with the NHL's decision not to punish Wayne Simmonds for allegedly using a gay slur against Sean Avery. "I do think the workplace should be free of arbitrary comments like that. … I believe it's habitual and it's got to stop. But I don't think Wayne Simmonds should have been suspended." [Toronto Star]
• Why won't anyone buy the Toronto Maple Leafs? Michael Grange talked to Richard Peddie: "They're still exploring the sale, it's not dead at all but it's a big number and a complex deal with lots of approvals that will ultimately be necessary and that will involve people well above my pay grade." Who exactly is above the COO of MLSE's pay grade? Zeus? [Sportsnet]
• Panthers center Mike Santorelli injured a shoulder in Tuesday's preseason loss to Dallas and will miss the opening few weeks of the season. [On Frozen Pond]
• St. Louis Blues Executive Vice President and General Manager Doug Armstrong announced Wednesday that Blues forward Jason Arnott will undergo minor eye surgery today to have a cataract removed from his right eye, and he'll miss a week. [Blues]
• In case you missed it last night, Chris Neil drilled Mikhail Grabovski. No discipline from the league on it. [YT]
• The Dayton Gems, one of our favorite minor league teams, will be holding Angry Birds Night on Dec. 23. "The Gems will be handing out free Angry Birds plush dolls to the first 500 fans through the gates, and the evening will be complete with a real life-sized Angry Birds game played by a few lucky fans on the ice during an intermission." [Gems]
• Please to be welcoming Puck Schmuck to the hockey blogosphere. [Puck Schmuck]
• Finally, Bloge Salming and Down Goes Brown unleash Colin Campbell's Shanny-style suspension videos on an unsuspecting public.