The great Jim Matheson of the Edmonton Journal interviewed Edmonton Oilers goalie Nikolai Khabibulin about his incarceration at the Tent City in Arizona this summer, the result of that "extreme DUI" conviction from 2010. From the Journal:
Khabibulin was sentenced to 15 days but was allowed to leave on work release from 9 a.m. until 9 p.m. on weekdays. He spent the first 48 hours at the Tent City — an extension of the Maricopa County Jail. There were 24 bunks in his tent, about 15 occupied by a cross-section of people, all under the watchful eye of hardline Sheriff Joe Arpaio, who doesn't believe in coddling any of his prisoners.
Here are five things we learned about prison from this enlightening trip inside the Bulin Wall.
1. Pending Incarceration Can Mess With Your Focus
It's not that Khabibulin was terrible last season … oh, wait, no, it's totally that. And whether it's an excuse or not, he told the Journal that his jail term was lingering on his mind while playing with the Oilers:
"If the season had been better (10-32-4, 3.40 average, .890 save percentage) it would have been easier but we weren't winning and it (upcoming incarceration) was always there."
Khabibulin says he's much more relaxed heading into this season, which can only mean he's not actually read the 2011-12 Oilers roster yet.
2. Not All Autograph Seekers Are Felons, But Some Felons Are Autograph Seekers
Our friends at the Kurtenblog zeroed-in on this nugget from Khabibulin, regarding his celebrity status during incarceration:
"People wanted to talk. There were no hockey guys, but some (prisoners) were from Boston or people who used to watch the (Phoenix) Coyotes from when I played there," said Khabibulin, who sheepishly admitted he signed a few autographs for prisoners. He was also called to the detention office a few times to do the same thing.
DUDE, it's just like in "Shawshank", except instead of money laundering he was signing autographs for the warden! Wonder if Khabibulin had a poster of Raquel Welch on his wall …
3. We All Take the Survival Benefits of Vending Machines for Granted
Despite having played in a desert for three years, Khabibulin said the 108-degrees-the-shade conditions were unbearable. There was, however, an oasis from this oppressive roasting:
"We could get water from a vending machine (area) ... that was the only place that was cool. You would try to spend an extra five minutes there."
Next time you're kicking that Pepsi machine for not accepting that wrinkled up dollar bill, remember how much the extra time you're spending next to it would mean to a convict in an Arizona tent city. Or just keep kicking it.
4. The Prison Diet Will Become The Next Craze
Apparently, the slop a bunch of inmates create in the cafeteria kitchen doesn't rank up there with Spago. In fact, one report said the lunch meat on sandwiches was "soggy, smelled like eggs, and was covered in black specks."
Khabibulin, on prison food:
"I tried it once and I didn't want to try it again. The first 48 hours I was there, I lost six or seven pounds."
You know, maybe a BWI conviction for Byfuglien could be a good thing …
5. Finally, Being a Prisoner Is a Lot Like Being a Goaltender in the NHL.
You're unappreciated, always on guard, have plenty of time to think. You have to wear different gear than everyone else in society. And as Khabibulin said: "You have boundaries and you have to do certain things. It's not what people are used to."
Thus begins the formal research on our thesis paper: "How the Trapezoid is a Metaphor for the United States Penal System."